she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
