told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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