Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i've created a new STD.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
