I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
