dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
