Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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