3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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