im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Couch. On fire.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
