Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
