My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize