Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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