i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Randomize
