just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
