Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
