My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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