i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
