dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
