u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize