hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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