I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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