just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
