3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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