So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
