Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize