apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
