also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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