summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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