my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
