She is in my trunk
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
