I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
