dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
