There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
