I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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