i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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