he wants to bone in the snuggie
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
