I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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