If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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