i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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