walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
