he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
