At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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