you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
