the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
