We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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