I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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