I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
