Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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