Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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