Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Terrible idea I love it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
