I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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