why didn't you poke me back
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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