Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
