if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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