my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
