Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
