She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
