she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You are the jesus of drinking
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
