end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can you bring me the toilet please
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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