why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
