Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
