We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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