There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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